Here I am, about to serve beer at the Portland Craft Beer Fest on July 3rd. It was a long day, though not a bad one. But we were dealing with taps that produced a lot of foam, and were understaffed due to a miscommunication that brought volunteers than we should have had.

Not a bad day, overall-except for one woman who pitched a fit about not being able to drink enough beer in the 40 minutes she was there for.

That said, there are a few things that you, as a festival goer, could do to make this better for everyone.

Wear a freakin’ mask. We are back up to ‘wear one indoors‘ and yes, I know I’m outside but also: I’m surrounded by people. Let’s keep each other safe.

Have your ticket ready. There’s probably a line you are standing in for your beer. The ticket is how you pay for beer. If I have to wait for you to pull the ticket out of your pocket or purse or wherever, and then I have to wait for you to tear the ticket away from the booklet you got, well that’s just more time that we allllllll have to wait, and you don’t get a beer.

This is especially true if you’ve brought your dog. Glad the pooch is on a leash, neat that you can bring the animal to the fest BUT trying to get your ticket out at the counter AND manage your dog is a delay that everyone has to experience now.

Be specific about what you want. I know that you can easily see what I’m pouring but I only have the name of the beer-not the style, not the brewery. Which means when you ask for “the IPA” and I am attending to six taps which include at least two IPAs, I am confused.

Remember that we aren’t trying to fuck you out of beer, and are pouring our best. But the rules are: once you have the glass, that’s it. Coming back and asking us for a top off isn’t a thing, even if you get a bunch of foam. It especially isn’t a thing when you stick your fingers in the glass and scoop foam out, in an attempt to prove whatever point you want to make. (Yup, we saw this.) Try waiting a couple minutes-the foam will become beer again, I promise.

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