Front Porch Chats #108

Brave Noise pale ale from Urban Roots brewing, in glass on a table outside

I’ve been thinking about some bad advice I gave to someone a few weeks back.

It’s coming to me because I have a chance to advise people about this Brave Noise pale ale from Urban Roots, and with its barely present scent and a finish that reminds me of something between pith and cilantro, I’m going to put this one in the no column.

Anyway, I was playing with some pals a few weeks ago and she was asking our opinion about how to go about asking someone she liked out. Apparently I had a pretty pensive look on my face, because someone eventually asked me about it and I told her,

“Assume he’s dumb. And just ask him out.”

Which is a terrible place to come from on both ends: why should she want to ask someone out who she thinks is dumb? Why should we assume that this person is a fool?

It seems like a bad way to approach things all around.

What I wish I would have said was this:

“Nobody is a mind reader. On top of that, a lot of people spend time devaluing themselves-I know that I certainly don’t think that anyone would want to date me, until they do.

“But because I think that, I don’t ask. (Now that is a me problem for sure.) Still, the idea that nobody can tell what’s going on in your head is true regardless.

“If you really want to make your wishes known, you have to ask. Which is positive on multiple levels-because you’re being clear about what you’d like, but also setting a standard up for someone not having to guess what you think. They can just ask and you can tell them.

“Which seems way healthier than trying to parse someone out using Enigma machines and semaphore.”

I doubt that she’ll see this advice, but I put it out there for everyone else, including me. Next time, it’s better to just ask.

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