“Hey, man,” I ask the bartender, “can you turn the lights on over there, so my friend and I can play cards?”
“Oh, sure thing.”
The lights come on and one table of people moans, “we don’t want this…”
I take my beer and as I approach the table, my friend Lynn stands and huddles up with me.
“Maybe we don’t want the lights on.”
“Nobody around us really likes that and they all know why the lights are on now.”
“Fuck ’em,” I say.
Lynn and I proceed to enjoy our evening. As the bar closes and everyone else leaves, Lynn says,
“So the reason I talked to you about the lights is because the couple sitting next to me was making out before the lights came on.
And the table behind you? They were out of touch people having a discussion about which blonde they’d like to fuck. They came up with Elisha Cuthbert.”
“Because of that movie she was in?” I ask.
“Uh-huh. Well, I figure if you are going to shamelessly make out in public then you can do it in the light. Where we can all make you feel as awkward as you’re making us feel.
Ditto for the scintillating thought experiment about getting to bang a movie star. And if they have a problem with doing that in the light, then maybe they should go home.
“Because,” I said, throwing my arm around Lynn’s shoulder, “I got friends to meet and cards to play.”